The Self Love Goals I've Set Myself For 2020

Outfit: Tank top - Primark / Sweatpants - Abercrombie & Fitch

Initially this post was written and ready to post with sweet little goals for myself to achieve this year. But after reading some inspiration blog posts, especially Lydia Millen Gordon's, and watching some new YouTube videos, most importantly Desi Perkins' latest upload, my mindset for this post completely altered. I instantly had to rewrite this post because I realised I had an opportunity to turn this from a fluff, easy-life piece to something with some impact. 

The last decade was life-altering for me. Many milestones happened and I went through a great deal. I learnt more about myself in the 2019 than I have in the years before. I truly became myself in this last year, figured out who I am, what I want from life and how I'm going to get it.

The most important lesson I've learnt from reflecting on the last decade is self-love and looking after myself. Besides going to the gym, eating healthier, cleaning my skin and so on, self-care comes from within. It's all about the mind and spirit because if those are not in harmony, then how can you expect to make progress. 

I've always been a person to other's happiness before my own, which I will always do. However I realised that I had not paid enough attention to my own happiness and what I want. I was clouded with self-doubt and comparing myself to others, without realising I cannot be someone other than myself. Loving myself was the only way to truly be whole and love others and life fully. 

Therefore 2020 has become the year of self-love, positive energy and authenticity. 

I had already written down in my notepad all the self-care goals I had and initially planned to keep those to myself. I planned to share with you those silly little goals like travelling, reading more, putting my phone away and so on. But something dawned on me today that said; "be real". 

Everyone's going through something, it's a fact. We can have everything in the world and still be unhappy. Something I came up with a month or so back was; 
"You have to be happy within, to be happy without."
What I mean by this is that happiness begins from the inside and once you cultivate that, happiness will automatically show up on the outside. But it can also be turned to say that if you're happy on the inside, nothing on the outside can effect that happiness, you don't need anything else on the outside. 

In a world where social media dominates our lives, where the media alone is full of negativity, people are tearing each other apart in comment sections, we need to pull back and realise that the only opinion that should matter to us is our own. I cannot tell you how long it took to drill this into me because of the little voices in my mind that told me that wasn't enough. But one day it finally clicked; my opinion is what matters, not someone else's who isn't in my inner circle or doesn't truly know me. 

With this in mind, my self-care goals have become the most important ones to consider this year and with this focus at the forefront of my mind already, within in this first week of 2020 I can already feel a big difference in my mind, body and soul. 

Here are a few goals I'm spending my time on this year of self-love:

• Your energy, your decision: The only person in charge of your energy is you. If someone is coming towards you with negative energy, that's not because of you. That's their problem, they are dealing with something that really doesn't have anything to do with you. Don't let that affect your positive energy! Let it radiate onto others. If something is getting to you, take a few minutes to pull back and find your positive centre again. As Desi Perkins' so wonderfully said: "2020 is the year that I'm protecting my energy", I think we all should. 
• If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, why say it to yourself? Another point inspired (and stolen) from Desi because this sat with me and it couldn't be more true. With negativity creeping around us, bad comments written here and there, take a moment to think about whether you should really let that affect you. Think about what you have been saying to yourself, when you look in the mirror or whenever you make a criticism toward yourself. Would you ever say those things to your best friend? No. Then why are you saying it to yourself. Notice the good things about you (even the flaws) and recognise that they make you you. Be positive to yourself.
• Accept things you can't change, instead use them to your advantage. You cannot control everything, it's simply impossible. Life will throw you curveballs, both good and bad. You can't change that, but you can choose how you handle them. Take them as positively as you can, even if they are awful. What can you learn from them? How can you grow? Use it to your advantage. 
• Give thanks. This is something I religiously started a couple of months ago and it's instantly makes my day more positive, even if I didn't get a good night's sleep. List three things every morning that you're grateful for and do the same before you fall asleep. Do it throughout the day if you feel like it! You can be thankful for just about anything. Even the terrible stuff. Take the time to be thankful to better your positive energy. Put those good things out into the universe because it'll return to you. 
• Take that much needed me time. This is one is definitely inspired by Lydia Millen Gordon because after reading her latest post and watching her vlogmas, me time has been a big focus for me. Go and do things that better your energy. Pamper yourself, take extra time to be more present, do things that make you happy. Reward yourself at least every week if you can! Whether it's going to get your nails done, going to see a film, putting your phone away, cuddling up on the sofa, doing an activity you've been putting off - whatever it is, make time for it. 

Lastly I wanted to share a goal in regards to my blog because that's why you're here and reading this! As I have decided to go full time with my blog, a major leap, it means that I am trying to find my through and learn as much as I can. I have vowed to create the content that I have dreamed off, be less critical of how I look or how pictures look before I post - I am going to be authentic. I've started this with the picture I've paired with this post. Me with no make-up, in sweats with washed hair (after a killer cardio session at the gym) and at home because that's authentic. That's real. And that's what I hope to deliver as we move forward. 

I plan to work extremely hard and deliver you content that lines up with my style and taste. Posts will be shared every Monday, Wednesday & Friday! Brace yourselves for a plethora of content unlike before. I would also love your input! What would you like to see more of? Would you prefer more on the blog or Instagram? Would you like me to restart a YouTube channel (something I've been thinking about)? What types of content would you like to see more of? Let me know in the comments below or DM/email me. I'll be carrying out polls on my IG stories this coming week, so if you want you can vote there. 

I'm truly excited for this new chapter, the new decade and year. I can't wait to make this blog and space more me and work harder than before, whilst also looking after myself. 

Here's to the roaring 20's, especially to you 2020! I can't wait to see what you have in store for me...

Lots of Love, 

Emily xx

Let's Talk About Self Love

Self Love. It's something that's constantly spoken about. We should all partake in it, but that's easier said than done. Yet it shouldn't be. 

A few weeks ago, I had a moment where I felt that I needed to tell the women I love that they are beautiful and should never forget it. I did it, but I was surprised at the responses. I got some back asking why I sent the message, whether the message was actually meant for them and some saying "no, not really". And it's that what truly shocked me. The stunning women in my life couldn't accept that someone was saying they were beautiful or needed a reason as to why they were being told. 

Hearing that you're beautiful should be something that isn't odd or out of place, it should be natural and common. However I can understand why we feel uncomfortable with the statement, when the pressures of society makes us doubt whether our natural, God-given beauty is really what it is. 

  

Some of the women I messaged were actually girls - my little brother's age - and I couldn't believe how they reacted to it. They were immediately comparing themselves to others, pointing out their flaws and wishing they were different. I can't tell you how much that hurt me because I've been there. I remember when I was 14 and thought every bad thing about myself because other people, boys especially, had said to my face that I was ugly or fat, or people said it behind my back and word got round. After that point, I wasn't able to look at myself in the mirror without doubting, sometimes breaking into tears because I thought I wasn't beautiful. This carried on until not too long ago. I could put on my favourite outfit and still feel like rubbish. I've even cried in front of my parents because I felt that I was never going to feel beautiful again. 

I've struggled with it for so long, but I remember when I used to feel beautiful and confident when I was younger. That's a true credit to my Mum, who always reminds me, even when I was having the worst time during my teens. Yet when one person tells you you are beautiful and a few people are telling you you're not, who are you going to believe? As much as you try to take that one ounce of positivity, sometimes your mind gets the best of you. 

The point is, I know what it felt like to not feel like you are beautiful, to have your flaws pointed out to you by people you thought were your friends - and in a public sphere (I'm talking Facebook comments). It's not fun, so when we live in a world were our lives are social media and what we see is an ideal of perfection, it's a lot harder to nurture self-love. But I want you to try. 

Try. It really is not as hard as it seems. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it takes effort. But boy, is it worth it. 

Take that time to point out the positives you see. What you think might be "flaws" are really not what you think they are. Don't belittle yourself. Find that confidence you know you have in you. The confidence you have when you're alone singing to your favourite songs or day dreaming about your life. That confidence that you hold in secret, let it shine through to the outside. 

I'm going to direct you to one of my favourite posts about self-love, written by Audrey Leighton Rodgers, aka Frassy Audrey. She's become my new role model, both in content and just utter realness. Her post on self-love is literally a kick started for anyone who needs it and it helped me a lot. Please take a few minutes to read it because it's important that you grow your self-love. Read it here.

Outfit: Top, Dress & Earrings - Custom

I'll leave you with my recent thoughts that I shared with a friend: Love yourself first and be the best version of yourself. Don't live to please others, please yourself. Love your flaws, they are your and it's what makes you unique. If you don't love yourself, then how can you truly love others? The events in the past may have had their effect, but it's the way you let them shape you that makes you, you. It's about how you decide to live your life. So live it with confidence. Live it being beautiful, inside and out and believing it. It's your story, so write it. 

Just give yourself a break, honey. You're beautiful and don't you ever forget it. 

(P.s excuse the blurred images, I took these by myself. It was challenge.)

Lots of love, 

Emily xx